PMS.

Ok, it’s hard to tell when someone is PMSing if they are just normally bitchy.   See, I know what you guys immediately thought as soon as I mentioned “PMS.”   Bite me.   To be honest, I’ve never really noticed an increase in bitchiness just before my period, perhaps for the reason just stated.   I have noticed, for several years, that I crave food I normally am not interested in – Twix bars, pizza, pancakes – for a few days before my monthly visitor arrives, but that’s about it   However, I gained a bunch of weight in the last few years.   More fat equals more estrogen production, & it could be that in my case chubbiness does not translate into jolliness.   Bummer, huh?

Yesterday this guy walked into our tiny little bar & while we were still setting up & stood in the middle of the room, looking around confusedly.   I greeted him, he responded, & then he went back to looking left & right in confusion.   The bar only has 5 tables.   It’s small.   If he was looking for someone, he would have found them by now.   I mean, there were only 3 of us in the entire place & we could all see each other.   But this guy, he seemed to need help.   But he also looked like an idiot.

“What?”   I asked him.   He looked at me in confusion.   “You look confused,” I said.   He continued to look that way.   It appeared I would have to walk him through some kind of thinking process.   It’s not really in my job description; I’m here to help relax thinking processes, but that’s assuming it’s a thinking customer.

“Are you here to meet someone?”   Yes he was.   “Are you here to meet Keith?”    No.   “Are you here to meet Kevin?”   No.   He wasn’t in Keith’s reservation or in Kevin’s reservation, & I knew he wasn’t with my guildies, for whom I had reserved a 3rd table.   “Are you here to meet people who don’t normally come here on Sunday nights?”   Bingo!   Finally!

“I’m so glad you decided to tell me that,”   I said, annoyed as hell.   “You can take that table or that table.”   I indicated the 2 tables that weren’t reserved.   Seriously.   This is like when guys come in & ask me what beers we have but refuse to tell me what they normally drink, as if they don’t trust me.   They don’t want to help me to help them.   They want to make it difficult.   All I want is to help them.   And get them the hell out of my face.

I thought he must have gone outside to wait for his friends or talk on the phone, he was gone so long from his table.   My sister showed up & we were chatting when he came out of the restroom & walked back to his table, & I realized that he had been in the restroom all this time.

“Did you take a crap?”   I asked him.   He gave me that familiar confused look.   I repeated myself.   He made some kind of evasive response & I said, “You were in there a long time.   Did you take a crap?”   I don’t care if you’re a customer; if you took a shit I don’t want what was once on the inside of your ass on the insides of my nostrils.

“Yes,” he said.

“Did you close the door behind you when you came out?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Oh, that’s good then,”   I said.   “If you take a crap in there, you have to close the door or else this whole bar will get permeated.”

At this point the idiot was laughing & sputtering at the same time.   “You — you’re so mean!”   he said.

“I’m not mean,”   I said.   “I’m practical.   Mean would be asking you why the fuck you’re taking a crap in our bathroom; why can’t you do that at home?”   I could hear my sister choking from behind her touch screen.   For the record I did smell stinkiness shortly after that but I wasn’t willing to walk down the short hallway to see if the restroom door really was closed.   It only lasted a few minutes or I would have probably gotten upset.

I realized I was probably PMSing a little while ago on Twitter.   I have a Twitter list of people who update about WoW.   Today some dickhead posts the longstanding myth arguing against the existence of female players in MMOs as if it’s fresh news.   As if every stupid jerkoff sitting at his computer doesn’t already think that.

As much as I enjoy the game, WoW really is so ridiculously dumbed down that you run into morons all the time.   You run into 8-year-olds who are absolutely kicking ass at this game.   You run into 20-year-olds who have no social skills whatsoever & whose entire self image is… well, a Fury warrior.   Yeah, idiots.   I’m in a guild of mostly pretty smart, mature guys & we stick together, but I still end up interacting with the general player base & I’m SICK of hearing these bastards 1) assume I’m actually a guy, 2) refuse to believe I’m female when I say so, 3) say that all girls want everyone to know they’re female so that they can get preferential treatment.   And then I just want to punch someone in the face.   Or the penis.

And then I noticed my new follower, some gross fat black chick who can’t spell.   She had some ghetto picture of her humongous thighs spread out as wallpaper all over the back of her Twitter.

I’ve blocked BritneyFuckvids probably 5 times already.   I don’t understand why someone seems to think that I have a thing for Britney.   That’s not me.   That’s Dave Hisaka.   Unless it’s actually Dave trying to harrass me on Twitter.   Hm.   Anyway, there are tons of people trying to make a buck on Twitter by following you in the hopes of getting you to click on their link when you look to see who this new follower is.

But OH MY GOD BECKY can’t you take a better picture??   And if you’re going to write your 140 characters about something, can’t you Learn To English?   Seriously.   I’m beginning to wonder if the United States of America’s welfare system has finally cultivated the highest population of dumb asses in the world.   How do we rank, anyway, for lazy, stupid people who can’t spell or get a job or take a decent picture of themselves?

Anyway, it occurred to me I may be PMSing.   Hopefully it’ll be over in a few days.

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