On Friendship, Part Two

Men kick friendship around like a football but it doesn’t seem to break.   Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. – Anne Morrow Lindbergh.

I think she’s right.   I was one of those girls who seemed to only have guy friends.   It wasn’t the Army Surplus Store bought jump boots (men’s size 4, tyvm) or the fact that I was pro at using the F word at least three times in any given sentence if I so applied myself (often).   It was because I mistrusted & couldn’t really relate to other girls.   Girls were prissy, fragile & sneaky; guys were simple & straightforward.   When you asked guys a question they applied their brains rather than their feelings, producing better results.   Even a dumb guy was easier to deal with than another girl.   At least he told the truth as he knew it.

This changed, though.

At a certain point I began running out of guy friends who were still young at heart.   It’s inevitable, I guess.   A lot of them died; one of the downsides of being all about fun.   If I wanted to continue surrounding myself with guys who were carefree & just out to have fun, I’d either have to hang out at 30 Seconds to Mars shows (I would rather die) or single out the rare 30-something dudes who are just that immature.   Actually, the latter doesn’t sound all that unfamiliar.   Uh.   Anyway.   One does what one has to do.

I can count the number of true guy friends I have now on one hand.   When I say that, I am not discounting the fact that I am blessed with the caring, support, consideration & appreciation of many of you xy folk.   But if I happened to do something highly illegal or sordidly gross & I needed someone to help me bury something, there are only so many friends I would be able to call & expect a sufficient level of acceptance.

When we got to our thirties, the vast majority of the guys I met & became “friends” with were subject to the male version of the  Biological Clock.   I think that the average guy has a little checklist of things he’s supposed to have accomplished by various ages.   We could call it “The Man Meter.”   Marriage on the MM probably falls somewhere before 40.

When that first guy friend, who I had confided in & held meaningful debate with & counted on for objective perspective the last year or so suddenly had no time for me any more because I had pretended I didn’t hear him asking me to dinner that was more than just getting some grub, I was hurt.   I didn’t understand that this jerk-off was on a time schedule & I was merely a failed project.   Real friendship?   With a female?   Not possible, since women are for only certain things, equality not being one of them.   It took me awhile to get over the feeling of betrayal.   Actually, screw that.   I’m still pissed.

In the last year I gained a bunch of weight.   Well, like 8 lbs.   But it makes a difference on my 5′ self; 8 lbs is a lot – I’m getting fat.   And by getting fat, I’ve lost more guy friends.   It’s not that anyone has stopped being my friend.   They just have less time for me, are less interested in me, aren’t as nice.   So no – they haven’t stopped being my friends.    They were never my friends.   I know other females who have shared this disappointment.   Suddenly those great buddies aren’t that great any more… ever since you got a boyfriend or you gained weight or you revealed that you’re actually a lesbian.

It begins to come down to value.   What value do I have to offer?   And if friendship is based on value rather than simple, inexplicable liking… then I don’t think it’s real.   Friendship isn’t a trade.   It’s not a business acquisition.   It’s not an investment.   It’s this inexplicable affinity.   It may have been brought into place by superficial means, but it doesn’t stay there because of them.   It goes on simply because it’s just there.   It survives misunderstandings & disagreements through caring, which caring has no logical reason other than simply liking this person.

I do still have those few, rare guy friends.   Less than five of them.   I hope they all stay alive a long time.

5. Real friends just like you.   They don’t like you because you’re pretty or because you’re single or even because you tell good jokes.   They don’t care if you’re male or female.   They just like you, & they’d still like you if you got fat or married.   They’ll still like you when you’re tired or broke.   They’ll still like you if you listen to 30 Seconds To Mars.

Doesn’t mean they’re willing to listen to that crap though.

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3 responses to “On Friendship, Part Two

  1. I’m not prissy or sneaky, but I can relate. Obviously I don’t have too many girl type friends myself. I think about girls being backstabbers and trifflin’, but guys can be that way too. Some guys I’ve known have been more prissy and bigger bitches then any women I hang with. Go figure =) But every once in a while you come across a true friend, whether it be a male or a female, and you gotta hold on to that

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