I needed 2010.
Taking care of my grandparents wasn’t just a task or a responsibility; it was also a privilege. But it did take its toll, & when 2010 came around I was pretty tired, & not just physically. I couldn’t remember what it was like to have my own life; to have dreams & goals. I honestly had forgotten. I couldn’t remember the leisure of my own company.
I also had a little difficulty remembering what it felt like to be rested. In 2010 I got my sleep back. I got a decent handle on my insomnia & my frustrating Anxiety Sleepus Interruptus. Part of this was aided by the occasional Xanax & regular visits to a psychotherapist; part of it was just time & giving myself time to feel safe with my eyes closed again. Yet another part was defeating my caffeine addiction (probably the hardest of all). I’ve managed to recover a somewhat normal approach to sleep again. Now when I lay me down to sleep, I actually sleep. December has been slightly different because I’ve got a puppy in housetraining here, but my internal sleep issues appear to have been resolved. Hallelujah. I’m allowed one (1) energy drink per week for recreational use & that’s it.
Now that my friend Jenn has, against my explicit advice, begun playing Mafia Wars on Facebook, I guess it’s time to update my experience of the app. When I first started playing MW I decided to blog my adventures in trying to figure out how this whole thing worked & what it was that was so fun that my friends were addicted to it. Since then I’ve come to a better understanding of the former & am still completely clueless about the latter. However, I find that I am addicted; not due to any kind of enjoyment of this game, but almost purely because of anxiety.
Mafia Wars, for the seasoned veteran who has climbed, inch by painful inch, to the summit of game mechanic comprehension, only to find that it is an illusion, isn’t a fun game. It’s about struggling to keep up with the other 45 million players, getting your mafia to 501 members, improving your inventory to make that 501 count, collecting all the pieces before time is up, & interacting with your fellow players because you need quid pro quo to survive.
It’s also about getting through all the damned pop ups, because Zynga is money hungry & wants to give you every opportunity to spend your money on game credits. There are so many pop ups in this game that it often feels like you spend more time clicking them off than actually playing.