Perry fuckin’ Farrell!

Dinner at Kalapawai Cafe in Kailua; I picked Bryan & Erik up & we headed over the mountain.   I was listening to Ritual de lo Habitual, & at some point in “Then She Did” I switched to a Slash/Sixx AM/Panic Channel playlist because, I said, “Sorry guys, not sure if you listen to Jane’s Addiction at all.”   I don’t know a lot of JA fans any more.   Erik immediately said they were one of his favorite bands & then it was kind of a moment, because Jane’s Addiction IS my favorite band & has been most of my adult life.

JA ticket

Anyway, when we got to Kalapawai Cafe a little before 7, it was a 30 minute wait for a table, even though they were expecting us.   Kalapawai does not take reservations, & the place is slammed just about every day.   This was Wednesday, & last night they’d done 180 covers.   That’s just crazy for a place that size.

Anyway, it was a long wait, more than 30 minutes, but that’s just something that happens in small restaurants like this.   We stood around, chatting, outside, & I saw a dude that looked like Perry Farrell.   And then his wife, this super skinny, long legged, Cruella DeVille In The Summer-looking woman in mile high red heels, called him “Perry.”

She was freaking out because she had momentarily lost their kids.   “Oh my God, we are the worst parents ever!” she exclaimed, & then they located their kids… I have no idea where they found their kids because I was too busy being starstruck.   I told Erik, “I think that’s Perry Farrell.”   Erik informed me they were the family that had emerged from the nearby white Xterra parked on the street.   I then approached Darick & said, “I think that’s Perry Farrell!” & Darick didn’t really know who that was because it’s before his time.   He kinda remembers Lollapalooza, sorta.   Well, screw you, Darick.   So then I told Bryan, “I think that’s Perry Farrell!”   Bryan expressed doubt that Perry Farrell would be driving an Xterra, but Erik, using his super powers of deduction (& connections), divined that the car was a rental.   Ha!   I definitely thought that was Perry Farrell.

After a bit, our server Kat informed us she had a 6 top for our party of 7, & that once the deuce next to us left, she could add that to our table.   Since we knew our 7th was probably going to be late anyway, that worked out just fine & we were seated. TOUCHDOWN.

I absolutely needed a photo of Perry Farrell.   I’ve waited on Kirk Hammett, Britney Spears, Linda Hamilton… I know there are more, but I don’t really remember them because I’ve never really cared that much.   But this was the lead singer of Jane’s Addiction.   And we had just been listening to his voice in my car.   I wasn’t going to bother him, of course, but… a surreptitious candid.   And I got it.   He probably saw me take it.   Fuck it; it’s not like I asked for an autograph or something.

Perry Farrell at Kalapawai Cafe

Anyway, chef Jason sent out some very lovely treats while we waited for the rest of our friends to arrive – a refreshing watermelon salad, their comforting tapenade, & this ridiculously good pizza.   I didn’t even hear which pizza it was & I don’t care.   It was frickin’ good.

Kalapawai salad & pizza

And then there was the charcuterie plate.

Kalapawai charcuterie plate

Jason does his own curing, & his prosciutto is just ridonkulously good.   That’s chorizo there in the middle.

The Farrells had been semi planted at the standing wall ledge area near our table for some time, but every time he walked back to the front of the restaurant I had to ask Darick, sitting across from me, what he was doing, since I refused to turn & stare; Darick informed me he was waving his arms around & twerking.   They seemed to be going back & forth a lot, & seemed to be having some difficulty managing their children.   At some point I heard PF ask if he had paid for his wine, & it appeared they were leaving.   I was sad.  But fuck it.   I got my photo.

IMAG0938

Dinner was amazing, as usual.   When things slowed down, chef Jason came by the table with another bottle of wine & I was all, “Perry fuckin’ Farrell!” & he said that the Farrells had left really pissed, & in fact complained that we had been seated before them.

Now, allow me to digress briefly from my delight at being in the same room with the singer from Jane’s Addiction to say that fuck that, we were there way before them.   We had been on the waitlist for some time before they even pulled up in their Xterra.   We’d stood around & chatted long enough for me to need to pee, & on my way out I noticed Cruella’s gorgeous red heels as she stood at the check-in counter, presumably putting their party on the list.

They’d had a party of 9 & I’m guestimating they arrived around 7:30.   We’d aimed for 7 (not really by choice; it was a scheduling issue with one of the people in our party; if it was me I’d have gone at 8 or 8:30) & Jason had already told us over beers last night that there’d be a wait.   Anyone who works in restaurants or even dines in them often knows that 7-8 is the busiest hour for dinner.   Kalapawai is already an insanely busy place, & with a party of 9?   No fuckin’ way!   The odds of 9 people all sitting near each other clearing out at the same time are extremely slim.

So not only were they being a little overly optimistic about getting a table right away, but perhaps a bit unrealistic about the effects of giving the staff a hard time.   When a place is slammed, the workers are probably doing their best to move things along.   Harassing them while they’re trying to work isn’t going to help them work any faster.   If 9 consecutive chairs have not simultaneously been vacated, you won’t have a table for your party of 9.   You just won’t.   It’s not malice; it’s just reality.   Your server isn’t doing it on purpose.

Etty Farrell, unrealistic bitching

I seem to recall that when Jason said that they had left pissed off, Bryan sang a little about how they “walked right… out the door… walked right out the door.”   Or maybe he didn’t; I can’t remember… but it’s what we were all thinking.

Anyway, back to being starstruck.   I was on Cloud Nine all the way until we were drinking Moscow Mules at 11pm.   Seriously epic dinner.   Great food, great wine, great company, & Perry fuckin’ Farrell.

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2 responses to “Perry fuckin’ Farrell!

  1. Hey Lauren,

    I really like how you have a Jane’s ticket pic, cool, along with the food pics, sweet! It’s extremely interesting because his story is up as well; and curious being that I am would be to know if you were in his view of things? Maybe your asking for an autograph would have passed the time….Isn’t Hawai’i a magical place with all of us here: we rock!

    Aloha
    Pen

    • I don’t know; I was pretending to photograph the wine while actually photographing him, but he may have seen through that. I didn’t want to disturb them! They seemed to have their hands full with their kids. I had no idea they were having a bad time until long after they’d left, so I wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t remember much about his wife except she had very nifty shoes. And really long legs. =)

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