I found this in my Drafts; apparently I wrote it in 2022 but never finished it. But now I’d like to clean out my Drafts folder lol
Greg Germann played main cast member Richard Fish in the 1997 Ally McBeal series, who hires Ally to work at his firm, Cage & Fish. His partner John Cage, played by Peter MacNicol (remember Dragonslayer??), is the complete opposite of him: serious, moral, & principled. While this entire series has better writing than we are used to seeing this century even if not very realistic in the practice of law, I particularly love it when Richard speaks.
If you’ve never seen Ally McBeal, these quotes will probably not make that much sense to you. As of October 2022 it’s streaming on HULU. And that’s my PSA for the year. Here are some quotes I’ve noted while rewatching.
S1 pilot
(Ally’s recollection of Richard in law school): Piles & piles of money. If I help somebody along the way that’s great, but mainly I’m in this for the piles, the heal the… piles!
John Cage is my co-founder. You’ll love him. He’s out getting his frown lines botoxed. Makes rain when he sleeps. I mean, does it show? Look at this office. It’s avante rich. It stinks of money.
Uh, seriously. Is working with Billy gonna be a problem? ‘Cuz if it is, well… well, I can’t do anything about it. But I’d be happy to sympathize.
Let me tell you something. I didn’t become a lawyer because I like the law. The law sucks. It’s boring. But it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody, cost him everything he’s worked for, make his wife leave him, even cause his kids to cry? We can do that.
It’s very important they come out of that meeting believing they’ll pay less taxes. Less taxes, reduced, not as much, diminished, abated, less. Less than lower. I’m nothing if not redundant. I also repeat myself.
S1E2
We started this firm with the same dream, did we not? In pursuit of that dream, we agreed that I would be the shark, the hammer, the ass, & you would be the pillar of dignity… have I not been every bit the ass you envisioned? It escapes me as how to soliciting hookers fits into your scheme, but instead of belaboring it, I’d like to focus on the positive: the fact that when a person reveals a flaw, he often does so by digging deeper into himself. What happened to you can only build character! John, you are a stronger man today than you were yesterday! I even feel it standing next to you, I just feel this THE STRENGTH! Haha, WELL DONE!
Ouch! Stung again. It tingles.
“Problem” is just a bleak word for, uh, “challenge,” Ally. Okay, this account is a potential cash cow. You don’t have to do the actual milking, but we will take this client.
Bygones.
Maybe it’s just the wattle. On her neck. That’s why I go for older women – the loose skin. On the neck. The hint of a wattle. There’s nothing more arousing for me, the way it just gently hangs there. And Whipper – I mean, her neck’s pretty tight now, but you can see the potential. It’ll be perfect, so perfect. I wonder: do I really love her, or is it just the impending wattle?
S1E3
Bygones.
Everybody’s alone, Ally. It’s just easier to take in a relationship.
S1E4
This will be like a class reunion. Instead of a punch bowl, there’s a coffin. But remember, reunions are meant to allow the more successful graduates to inform the less successful graduates that that’s what they are: less than. You & I – we’re more than. Uh, especially me.
One of the keys to life: the fast forward. Every movie has its lousy parts. The trick is: fast forward through. As time passes you’ll look back & say, “Oh. That little adultery thing. Oh that.” You fast forward to then right now, & you’re over it. It’s the Fish way.
I’m kidding. Bygones. Whatever.
S1E5
Whip. Elaine. Double team me.
S1E6
Come on! Boys Club, hey! Free that hooker.
S1E7
I never get involved in legals.
The Long Way Home 